


"Feel My Beating Heart"

by someoneyoucantstand



Series: The Firsts [3]
Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Anixety, Blood, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shooting, Trigger Warnings, flash backing, flashbacks are in italics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 12:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11851821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someoneyoucantstand/pseuds/someoneyoucantstand
Summary: Peter can't handle the slamming lockers or the image of Uncle Ben's blood on his hands or the sound of his pounding hear in his head and suddenly it's all too much.AKA, Ned tries to help Peter through his first panic attack the best he can





	"Feel My Beating Heart"

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for graphic descriptions of blood and panic attacks so please bare that in mind when reading :)  
> I understand that people are affected by anxiety and panic attacks in lots of different ways so this is just my view on how Peter would be affected.

Uncle Ben was dead.

There was no point in sugar coating it, because that is what he was.

He was dead.

_It had happened three weeks after Peter’s fourteenth birthday. He and Uncle Ben had been a few blocks from the apartment when they passed the corner shop and he asked Peter to slip in and pick up some more bread._

_“Just run in, will you?” He had asked, handing Peter a few loose dollars. “I’ll wait out here.”_

_It was getting dark, the street lamps slowly beginning to flicker on, and Peter didn’t feel like being out any longer so he nodded and slipped into the store, the bell above the door jingling as he did._

_Peter had just grabbed hold of a loaf of bread when he heard a loud bang and a scream, making him jump and drop the bread as he watching the teenager at the till look out the window, gasping._

It took two weeks until Aunt May packed him off back to school, trying to throw him back into a normal routine.

She dropped him off right outside the school steps, ignoring the ‘No Stopping’ sign and instead favouring to hug him tightly into her chest. The gear shift was digging into Peter’s stomach as he lent into the hug but he didn’t care; he knew May needed this hug and so he kept hold of her for as long as she wanted, until she let go a moment later.

“Peter,” she started. She grabbed his hand and slowly rubbed her thumb over the back of it. “I want you to call me if you need to come home, okay?” She said. “If anyone says anything to you or if you feel like you want to come back I’ll be here instantly, do you understand?”

Peter nodded, keeping his hand in hers.

She smiled at him sadly and lifted her hand, placing it on his cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you too, May.” Peter said.

She’d been doing that since it happened. Whenever Peter was going to be out of her sight, she made sure to tell him that she loved him, as if she was scared Peter would end up dead too and she wouldn’t have the chance to tell him again.

Peter didn’t blame her for being that way, not now.

May’s eyes looked past him and she smiled once more, patting his cheek. “Ned’s waiting.” She told him.

Peter turned around and saw Ned stood there, waiting for him, a little lego figure in his hands. He turned back around to May, giving her one last hug, before getting out the car and jogging to Ned.

“Hey, Petey.” Ned smiled. He held out his hand, offering the small lego star wars figure to him. It was a small, hand sized R2-D2 which Peter took, inspecting it. “I built it for you, last night,” Ned told him, “thought you might like it.”

“Thanks, Ned.” Peter smiled. “It’s great, really.”

Ned grinned as they began walking up the steps to the school. He pushed the door open and allowed Peter to slip in first before he followed after, the door shutting behind him.

The hallways were as busy as before, which was to be expecting. The rest of the world wouldn’t have stopped just because Peter’s did. Peter walked to his locker, Ned closely behind him, filling Peter in on what he had missed since he was gone.

“Mrs Becker completely destroyed Flash the other day in chem, and by destroy I mean _destroy._ ” He laughed, getting excited in retelling the story. Peter opened his locker as he listened to Ned, placing his little gift on the shelf inside.

“So anyway, basically what happened was that Flash was running his mouth like always and-” behind him, a locker slammed shut, the door banging against the rest of the frame and suddenly Peter felt his blood run cold. Next to him, a second locker was slammed shut, this time the sound of the bang echoing through his head as he visibly flinched, his hand gripping his own locker door.

All of a sudden his breath felt as if it was leaving his body as a third locker was slammed shut, the banging sound multiplied by his own hears. All the chattering noise for the hallway had gone as better struggled to catch his breath.

“- and Mrs Becker was like ‘Eugene! If you’re so well read on this topic why don’t you’ – hey? Peter?” Ned stopped his story once he saw Peter’s shaking body.

Peter was shaking like a leaf, and he was suddenly deathly pale as he let out ragged breaths. The bell rang above them, with people beginning to leave for their classes, a series of lockers shutting as they left. These lockers could have been shut as quite as a mouse but it didn’t matter in Peter’s mind because suddenly everything was a thousand times louder and people were banging into him and banging his shoulder and banging into his legs with their bangs and noise was all around him but it didn’t matter because all he could hear was his Uncle screaming and all he could see was red blood on his hands and-

Ned was pushing him into a nearby bathroom, his hands on Peter’s shoulders as he guided him from behind, swerving him around students, only letting go of one shoulder to push the door open before it resumed its place as he guided him towards the sink.

“Petey?” Ned asked, turning Peter in his arms so they were face to face and gripping his shoulders. “Peter, what’s happening?”

Peter could hear him talking but it wasn’t clear, instead muffled by the sound of Peter’s heart beating way to fast, and the sound of his own breath short and ragged, struggling to gain air.

He could feel Ned’s hands on him but it didn’t help because he suddenly felt so hot and all he could see was _Uncle Ben’s blood spreading across the pavement as he ran out the store, dropping to his knees and pressing his hands into Ben’s chest trying his hardest to make it stop._

_He could hear people screaming and shouting behind him but it didn’t matter because all he could focus on was Ben’s harsh, stuttered breathing, and his grunts of pain as Peter pressed down as hard as he could, trying to make it stop, just make it stop, please! Stop! Please stop bleeding!_

_He could feel tears streaming down his face, those too not stopping no matter how much he begged._

_“Ben! Uncle Ben, please!” He begged, pressing down even harder, as hard as possible, harder and harder and harder._

_Uncle Ben’s hands were shaking like a wet dog as they raised and fell on top of Peter’s. Blood was pooling through the gaps between Peter’s fingers as he sobbed and cried and pulled them out from Ben’s putting them back on top and pressing again, as hard as he could._

_He could hear sirens coming through the sound of his own voice, breaking and wet from tears as he begged Ben to just stay with him, to keep his eyes open and look at him, to not go to sleep, to believe him when he says he’s sorry for pressing hard, to just stay with him a few more minutes  longer-_

_But there was so much blood, it was running off his hands and it was all over Ben’s chest and it was all over the floor and suddenly it was all Peter could see on the palms of his hands as arms pulled him off so the paramedics could take over._

_Crimson was all he could see, just slick crimson, what felt like gallons of crimson all over him, drenching his entire body, drowning him until he couldn’t breathe, until he-_  was suddenly back in the boys bathroom, now sitting on the floor instead of standing.

But there was still tears streaming down his face like there was that night, and he could hear ragged breaths like there was that night, and he could hear begging like there was that night. Only it wasn’t him begging Ben to stay with him, it was Ned.

“Please Peter, look at me,” Ned was saying in a rushed and panicked voice. He was knelt in front of Peter with wide eyes. “Peter I don’t know what I’m meant to do, please look at me!” He gripped Peter’s hands in his own and pressed them into Peter’s chest. “Look at this, you’re heart Peter, your heart is going way to fast!”

Peter felt as if he couldn’t breathe when he felt the pressure on his chest, felt as if he’d never breathe again. He’d forgotten how to breathe, that’s it, that’s the problem, he can’t do it because he can’t remember, it’s slipped his mind and he’s panicking, his lungs gripping and his stomach tight.

He no longer felt hands on his chest, and instead he felt Ned pushing Peter’s hands into his own chest.

“Feel that, Peter?” Ned asked, his voice softer, less panicked as he tried to help him. “Feel my heart beating, yours needs to be like that, okay? Come on, follow my breaths, Petey.”

Peter nodded jaggedly, feeling Ned’s heart beating softly and feeling the motion of his chest rising and following at a normal pace.

His own chest felt tight as he tried to mirror it, tried to match the rise and fall he felt under his hands.

He could still hear his heart pounding in his chest, but suddenly it was also easier to hear Ned as he mumbled words of encouragement at Peter, spending the next five minutes nodding and smiling, gripping Peter’s hands tightly as he mumbled “that’s it, Peter” over and over until finally Peter didn’t feel in pain or too hot or too cold.

Peter’s hands were gently released, red and aching from Ned’s hold, as Ned shifted himself to allow Peter to tiredly fall back onto his chest, breathing almost normally now, as he closed his eyes, feeling weak.

“Are you okay?” Ned asked.

Peter nodded.

“The lockers.” He croaked out, hoping Ned understood what he meant.

Peter felt a hand on his arm. He turned his head, burring his face in his friend’s shoulder as tears leaked his eyes out of pain, sadness and just a little bit of embarrassment.

“Want me to call May?” Peter could feel Ned’s throat vibrating as he spoke.

Peter nodded his heard before closing his eyes again and burring further, liking the security and warmth his friend could bring.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are much appreciated :)
> 
> If you have any prompts for firsts between Peter and Ned then please comment down below or send them into my tumblr [Ask Box](http://someoneyoucantstand.tumblr.com/ask) at someoneyoucantstand


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